Culture: Happy Valentine's from Korea

Since it is Valentine's Day all over the world today, let me take the chance to wish everyone a:

Happy Valentine's Day

Living in such a male-chauvinistic society, surely you jester that Korean men must spend phenomenal amounts during this commercialized holiday?

On the contrary... it is the women who do all the work on Valentine's Day.

In Korea, the year's calendar has been infested with so much commercialization that it's not even funny. A special day is created oh-so-often, concurrently with clever marketing plans to take over the world. Playing on the theme of Valentine's, a 'special day' (Ehem!) has been created for the 14th day of each month, each to it's own bullshit story. Note that even the Koreans I know dismiss most of these days without even a whim.

Read on about what people coin to be COMMERCIAL holidays in Korea if you want to find out why MEN should do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on Valentine's Day!

• 14th January ~ Diary Day:
  Lovers exchange fresh new diaries, signifying the start of a new year. If you two have been together for a while, hopefully your lover will FINALLY remember your birthday this year by writing it down in the diary.
  

  *D'uh... Buy a PDA!

  
  
• 14th February ~ Valentine's Day:
  In 496 A.D., Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine who was martyred in 269 A.D. for holding on to Christianity.
  
  Back in those days, lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate. On the eve of the Roman festival of Lupercalia however, which is Valentine’s, would be the only day that girls are allowed to show their feelings. Over time, February 14th became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers.
  
  Following that tradition, it is the day when Korean women GIVE men chocolates as an embodiment of their intention to shag admiration. A gift would also be appropriate. The male has a ONE-month period to decide whether he accepts her invitation to shag heart.
  

  *Guys: Don't do ANYTHING today, unless you want to ruin her efforts! ;)

  
  
• 14th March ~ White Day:
  So the deadline is up, and White Day is the day for the men (only) to take action.
  
  On this day, if a man accepts the heart of the woman who confessed her love for him on Valentine’s Day, he will present her/his lover with candy. Otherwise, he will have to return her gift.
  

  *Wake up! She'll expect more than JUST chocolates...

  
  
• 14th April ~ Black Day:
  
  Black day is the day commemorated by either single men or women who have been disappointed with the passing of Valentine's and White days without a partner. On this day, participants will be dressed from head to toe in black EVERYTHING, including clothes, shoes, socks and accessories.
  
  Lest we forget, black coffee and black sauce noodles ~ Jajangmyeon (자장면) are also consumed as an act of solidarity. To me, wearing black is just another excuse to spot out the single chicks so guys can hit on them.
  

  *Getting hitched on this day is allowed!

  
  
• 14th May ~ Yellow and Rose Day:
  Since Black Day is a day where single people mourn their sad lonely singlehood, Yellow day is the day you pray to get OUT of it.
  
  As the name implies, you wear everything yellow, and eat curry, which is also (almost) Yellow. Since May is also the season where Roses flourish, this day is also called ‘Rose Day’. As the atmosphere is supposedly good, it will be a day where couples give each other roses, as a sign of a developing relationship.
  

  *How bout praying for an upgrade?

  
  
• 14th June ~ Kiss Day:
  In the event that things have been working out great between a couple up until Yellow day, a first kiss will be in the works on this day.
  
  After the nice and fuzzy feelings have worn off, either from getting your tongue stuck in the other's braces, or basically from bad technique... this is ALSO the day in the year when couples sit down and CONFESS.
  
  They are supposed to talk about everybody they’ve ever been with, kissed, or felt up. Since traditionally, rain is supposed to fall annually on this day, it will be coupled with the tears of joy couples share upon receiving painfully detailed accounts of each other’s sexual exploits.
  

  *Oh sorry honey... got to go out of country for a project from the 13th ~ 15th!

  
  
• 14th July ~ Silver Day:
  This is the day where the lover is introduced for the first time to one’s seniors, including those at school, the work place, as well as the parents. On this day, the seniors will have to present the lovers with money, or silver. Lovers may also exchange gifts made of silver.
  

  *Only introducing her 5 months after she proposed in Feb 14th... is she THAT ugly?

  
  
• 14th August ~ Green Day:
  Days of summer will be hot and unforgiving in this month. Lovers will hence seek out cooler environs, to go hand in hand for a walk in the forests. People with no lovers, will drink hard liquor with a Green theme to cheer up.
  

  *I bet you the XXX Soju Co. invented this one!

  
  
• 14th September ~ Music and Photo Day:
  Having introduced the lover to your family and seniors, it's probably time to introduce her to your mates. Have a party, crank the music up, and get the girl to come over and see how the boys get sloshed on Soju. Take incriminating evidence on film if you'd like.
  

  *You'd be pretty lucky if she'd still hang around.

  
  
• 14th October ~ Wine Day:
  It's the day to get serious and sit down to talk about whether you two were meant for each other. Choose a nice restaurant, have a wine, get tipsy... then maybe she'll agree to marrying you and still let you spend your salary at your discretion after marriage.
  

  *In some Korean families I know, women manage ALL of the $$. Ouch!

  
  
• 14th November ~ Orange and Movie Day:
  As if selling I Love You Day Pepero sticks on the 11th of November wasn't enough for the corporate thugs... they now insist that we watch movies, and buy more orange juice?!
  
  Anyway...
  
  Consuming the slightly sour orange juice is supposed to be a reminder to couples of the 'sour' times they promise to share together in the days ahead.
  

  *Are the theatrics really necessary?

  
  
• 14th December ~ Hug Day:
  Baby it's cold outside... gimme a hug!

  *I wonder if love motel businesses are also better during that day...

Since I am living in Korea now, it'd be best that I follow the local practices... Alright ladies, show me the money!