Saturday, February 04, 2006

Announcement: I watched Memoirs of a Geisha

Went to watch Memoirs of a Geisha yesterday. Awesome movie it was and EVERYONE should watch it. Bring tissues!

I don't mean to do it, but my evil self just could not contain itself... so here's a run-down of how the story went

In the beginning…

Story is starts off in 1929 where a farm girl Chiyo was sold off to the city to work as below-wage child labor at a fast food chain.

Being depressed about the fact that she was sold for ONLY $15 dollars, when she thought she could’ve been worth more, she trips while walking across a bridge one day.

As fate has it, Ol’ Chairman comes along. Being the ‘child lover’ that he is, he picks her up, brushes her off, and gives her two winks.

Chiyo knew from first sight that she was madly in love. Having thought about it, she figured that if she wanted to be with him FOREVER, she would have to step into his world by being a Geisha.

"Gei" means arts or performance in Japanese. "Sha" means people. Geisha
are professional hostesses who entertain guests through various performing arts.
Geisha girls and women are not ordinary hostesses and are not prostitutes.

- gojapan.about.com

So she studies day and night, and invests in a bunch of SK-II and probably some L'Oreal lip-gloss as she goes along. To finance her costly endeavor, the kid works another part time in the Geisha district (Hanamachi). There she met, and was assigned to serve psycho bitch Geisha Hot-Sue-Momo.

Yadi yadi yada… 6 years go by and she still don’t earn enough money to go to Geisha school.

Oh dear, what shall our love-smitten Geisha wannabe do?!!

Fear not… old-hand Geisha Mameha, who migrated over from Malaysia to Japan some years ago, and owned a Geisha house (Okiya) down the road spotted her one day. She realized that even though Chiyo was 15, tortured daily by Hot-Sue-Momo, cleaned a whole bunch, lived on a diet of Instant Noodles, and was absolutely skin to the bones… she has gorgeous Blue-Gray eyes.

Chiyo has POTENTIAL!

Mameha pays a $20 premium over the $15 that Chiyo’s owner paid for her years back, and gets her over to be one of her girls.

Mameha trains the Chiyo to be a Geisha herself, and sure… Chiyo is happy and all. BUT, here’s the catch. Mameha got Chiyo to sign the contract that if there were ever any good fish in the sea (men and money) that came her way from being a successful Geisha, Mameha wanted a 30% cut.

To that, Chiyo says: “That’ll go down… anything for mah bitch go gives me a chance to hook back up with mah man yo!”


Being the prodigy that Chiyo is, she aces her bootcamp training, and starts of her career only in a few months. Throwing her past behind her, she adopts the name Sayuri, and debuts her career at an awesome dance party.

All the important politicians and business men, including The Chairman were present that day. Sayuri saw HIM and gave them her bestest dance ever, throwing in a few moves from a Beyonce Knowles MTV she watched a few days back at a slumber party… The men were seriously impressed*, and that made Hot-Sue-Momo pissed as piss can be!

*If there’s anything that would tell you if she was successful, it would be the wet floor that the janitor discovered after the party.

La la la… bitch fights… La la la… World War II broke out… La la la… Hot-Sue-Momo dies when she enlisted for the army because she couldn’t take the competition with Sayuri anymore…

La la la... houses burn down and everyone runs for the hills, ditching the life of a Geisha behind.

War ends, and everything is now settled... Except that almost EVERYBODY was piss poor. Ol’ Sayuri survived and finally figured that it was time to move on and quit doing crack.

Anyway, she figured that her possible future Swiss bank account heart really still belonged to The Chairman, so she tries to track him down via the internet. Voila ~ he was listed on match.com, and his profile says that he’s single now, and still rich as anything even after the devastation of war. Now THAT really turned her on!

After a bunch of networking and stuff, she finds out his personal phone number. Gives him the obligatory “Yo! How’s mah homie hangin” call.

They hook up, Sayuri does the whole Geisha dance thing, he gets mesmerized and remembers her beautiful eyes from yesteryears, and they get jiggy with it swatting each other with their lips.



Movie ends…

However! The movie doesn’t really say if Sayuri remained a Geisha to serve him as an entertainer, and him being her sugar daddy (Dana). For all we know, she could’ve ditched the whole Geisha do and became his Sweet 47th mistress… That will probably remain a mystery until the sequel: “Memoirs of a Gesha – Episode II: Return of the psycho bitch from hell”.

We will see.

Disclaimer: All images were obtained from Google Image Search. Storylines are well... 1% (ehem!) distorted from the original. It did keep you entertained, didn't it?

14 Comments:

At February 04, 2006 12:38 PM, Anonymous louyau said...

Waaaaaaaaah ahahahahaaha ... creative mind there Vincent :p

 
At February 04, 2006 3:45 PM, Anonymous Laynie said...

Please write me a script for my next student film project Vincent!!! Feature tons of Hotsuemomo thanks.

 
At February 04, 2006 7:31 PM, Anonymous Jojoyukiw said...

muahaha,....really laff my ass off. u so bad lah..
i watched this movie alone one week before CNY.
bit touched by story, but end up oh..the Sayuri also bit itchy bawah lah..kekekee....
showed power of love? muahahahaa...
also showed that frenz bcome traitor oh..so sad...:(
so dun simply trust others...kekee

 
At February 05, 2006 2:17 PM, Blogger Kurios1978 said...

Louyau... Anything for a good laugh. :)

Laynie: OK, when do we start :D

Jojoyukiw: Yeah, it was a darn sad movie, where the Geisha girls weren't allowed to love. :( But I guess it's a game, not just in their world, but also in ours too.

 
At February 05, 2006 3:40 PM, Anonymous G said...

Excellent synopsis, sir.

I laughed my proverbial ass off.

 
At February 05, 2006 5:12 PM, Anonymous Beck said...

Hmmmm....maybe should intro you to Glenn Ong (a sing DJ)....ha ha...He did an interesting & hilarious voice over for Star Wars.

Instant (5 min) fame if he mention your site ;P

 
At February 05, 2006 9:46 PM, Blogger Simon says said...

Like what you wrote. Also watched the movie the other day at the COEX. I liked the scenery, and some good acting. Anyway am enjoying your blog.

 
At February 06, 2006 8:48 AM, Blogger Kurios1978 said...

g: Glad to help out lowering any signs of high blood pressure...

Beck: Go ahead. I can deal with the fame... starting a fan club eventually, and start selling Kurios1978 t-shirts to make my first million sounds like an excellent plan!

Simon: Glad you enjoyed the blog. Drop in more often, and I'm sure more silly stuff on the blog await you. :)

 
At February 07, 2006 1:30 AM, Blogger JennyTay said...

Hey..it's pretty funny.Did you check this website out already?
http://satkuru.com/memoirs.htm
It's hillarious.Another version of the Geisha..haha..=b

 
At February 07, 2006 9:12 AM, Blogger Kurios1978 said...

Jenny: Ha ha... damn funny that was. Thanks for teh link!

 
At February 08, 2006 3:47 PM, Blogger Kea said...

too funny. you are damn creative man! quit your job now and go write some scripts. i volunteer to read them if it's as funny as this one! hahaha... :) thanks for that.

 
At February 09, 2006 10:11 AM, Anonymous tyra said...

Hilarious :) i still prefer d book...

 
At February 09, 2006 10:17 AM, Blogger Kurios1978 said...

Kea: I wouldn't count on that... but I'm glad it did help you out with some giggle therapy.

Tyra: Glad you enjoyed it. Have a laugh, stay, visit more often, and don't be shy to browse. :)

 
At February 09, 2006 5:52 PM, Anonymous Crocky said...

Had a good laugh over that Vince!! Actually not a fan of that movie or the book (seen and read) so I guess yours is definitely a better version!!!

Btw, Sayuri became the Chairman's mistress and moved to New York with him if I'm not mistaken. After all...all fiction and I bet my bottom dollar that your's is definitely a better one.

 

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